Have you ever felt what is like to be afraid?
I'm not saying the small things like being afraid of the dark or talk in front of a lot of people and all that kind of stuff. I'm talking about really feeling afraid, of really know ing what Fear tastes like...
All people have fears but nothing compares with the fear that you are in danger or the fear of dying because you messed up. I felt a lot of times that my life was going to end because of something I thought or done...
Do you know how it feels to be in a constant Fear? Do you know know how messed up it is to be afraid all the time? I will describe it to you. All day, you feel on edge like you are going to drop on the floor in a minute, like your heart is going to burst, like you can't take it anymore...like you are...running. Like you are running from something you can't escape.
That's you. The thing you are trying to escape from is you, your mind, your thoughts.
I always wished there was an on-off switch in our minds so I can be at peace but no...there isn't.
My name is Angela and I am suffering from anxiety. I leave with the constant fear that something bad is going to happen. I mask it with my smile, my cocky/snappy attitude and no one asks because they don't know. I finally decided to let it out in the open.
Everyone has his problems, his demons in their mind but nothing is obvious...
Next time if a friend answers with a dismissing 'fine', ask again. Believe me, he is not fine.
Although, there is a way to cope with it.
I cope it with writing, reading and binge watching series/movies. I express my concerns, my fears through writing because that's what keeps me going and not getting mad.
Find what is that gets you going.
The human mind can be the worst prison of all. I know that because I am a prisoner of my own mind. There is a way to control it and flee but I haven't figure it out yet but I will... I don't know what is that will get me free but I know this. I have hope and hope is the only thing stronger than Fear.
I hope someone can relate to this and I am not the only one.
Thanks for reading this.
This gingerhead is out!
Angela.
