What exactly we do mean with the word Love?

What exactly do we desire to get, to have in life? Power? Control? or Love?

Those three words have being running in my mind recently... Can someone live without love? or Do we need power over things and control to survive? 

We need control over our lives to survive life. We need power in order to make a difference. We need to love so the world can be a better place to live in. What I'm trying to say is that we need to control things in order to be as it has to be. For instance, we need to control oursleves, we need to control our wants, our dreams, our lives. Here how power comes in the picture. In order to achieve our dreams, our passions, to make things better we need to be powerful, strong for us and for the people who look up to us to make it right.

I've asked myself how love fits in the picture, what exactly is it. We understnd the defintion of power and control because those two words existed from the beginning of time, without even knowing. I mean since the beginning humans had the need to control and to be powerful. Love wasn't something they knew. Love was a feeling were no one could understand and what was its purpose and stil some don't. Did you know that they gave the feeling for the first time, we call now love, a name in the ancient times?

Ancient Greeks had diveded love in four kinds: Storge, Philia, Eros and Agape.

Those are the four kinds of love. Storge is the kind of love you have with a person you feel familiarity. Philia is the feeling you have for a person you call friend. Eros is, the most common kind of love we all know, with someone you romantically desire, attraction and last but not least Agape is the self-emptying, divine love.

There is no separation between the four of them of which we need most. We need all four to survive. I think that no one actually knows what love is. Poets, painters, writers, philosophers tried to give a definition but no one actually knew what is it...

What is love?

No one knows exactly and no one can actually create an exact definition for it. All people know in some terms what it is because they felt it but if you ask each and every one of them no one is going to give you the answer that you seek...

I'm twenty and I never actually felt what love is... I had the two of the four kinds in my life. Storge and Philia. They are important but to tell what exactly love feels and is you have to have all four them... Some people never get to have that and die without knowing. If you ask what's the most difficult kind to get, is the last one.

Is not Philia, is not Storge, it's not even Eros, it's Agape.

Agape is the divine love were you love yourself and everyone around you. Is the love that God has given us, is the love that Jesus was talking about, is the love for serenity and soul calmness. Galini as we call it in greek.

That kind of love. I don't think anyone actually had felt all four so that's why it's difficult to give a definition.

I read in most books that Love is the thing stronger than anything. Stronger than Fear, Power and, that's going to sound cliche, Evil.

I believe it is. Without it there will be Chaos. Not control, not power but love if we don't have love in our hearts there will be Chaos and Destruction. 

I don't know how anyone can be happy without it. I certaintly know that I can't live without it...

Anyway, I hope I didn't make you feel out of the blue...

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.

Who do you want to be?

When I was a teenager I never was one of the cool kids, as some may say... I always stayed home with a book in hand and that was basically my life until Senior year...

You could tell that I was basically a nerd, a geek whatever you want call it...But they never made fun of me or at least no that I know off...

People wanted to be around me beacuse of my father... You see I was the daughter of the beloved teacher in my home town. As I said my father was a P.E teacher at day and a folk dancing teacher at night, so most of the people in my age knew him and loved him.

 

He was and still is one of the most approachable teachers there is here, in this small town. They always looked at him as a mentor... My dad helped a lot of children to find their paths... Being involved in many things did the job. They respected him more than anyone.

Anyways, I always lived in that shadow of his. They always knew me as the daugher of Mr Kamp. They never remebered my name... well expect my classmates.

Everyone knew me as that, even from other schools that my dad teached... I was the daughter of the teacher. Nothing else. Nothing more.

So I just accepted it and I never associated much and stayed home. I escaped reality by writing and reading about the mystical and wonderfull worlds that my books were hiding. You know when I was a kid I always wanted to visit the land of Narnia. The series was one of the firsts books that made me love literature...and I thought that it was real. As a kid I lived in my own world and wanted to ecsape my reality so I always imagined being in the magical land of Narnia or being in a place were mythical beasts from Greek mythology existed, like Percy Jackson... But that stopped when I turned thirteen...

I went to High school and I figured that only my imagination can't help me...That's when I started writing...

So that kept me from pushing everyone away and be only by myself. I never actually had friends. They talked to me because I knew everything that had to deal with school, about teachers, field trips. Everything. Yeap, because of my dad.

Anyways, I never wanted to be recognised beacuse I was someone's daughter but that was the case with me. I was socialable with everyone but not actually involved. They put me in the class councel because I knew things and I knew how to work things out but other than that I pushed everyone away. Boys always tried to hit on me...I think it was kinda like a game when I went to 10th grade... "Who will be the winner of getting with the teacher's daughter?!". That never happened...

When my sister turned fifteen and I was seventeen I was always thought that she would end up like me...to be recognised as the teacher's daughter but that wasn's the case with her...

She told me that she wanted to be recognised for her and not because of our father... She took advantage of our name at the begining and actually became popular in her school. She had an attitude,she was a rebel and people  later knew her because of that and not because of the name.

Here is the catch then with me. After what happened with my sister I was recognised because of her and my father. Not because of me. Irony right? So that's when I woke up. 

I told myself that people are going to know me because of me and not because of my sister or my father... When I went into senior year everything changed. Like my sister, I took advantage of my sister's and my father's reputation and built my own on top of it.

I asked myseld 'Who I want to be and for what do I want to be recognised for?' , so that's why I started writing in Wattpad and got involved more with the student body. I helped a lot my classmates by helping them in passing their test and that's when I actually met my best friends...

We shouldn't push people who want to get to know us because most of the time we are going to regret it. Some people are meant to be in our lives whether we like it or not... I pulled my walls down and met my best friends that still stay by my side. The irony was we were classmates for many years...  

We shouldn't let other people define who we are and what to be because of our name or because we are expected to be something we are not... Don't make the same mistake I did because you are not going to be happy. Trust me. There is always time to fix things.

I am going to do what's right. One year to go. That's when my life actually starts.

 This gingerhead is out!

Angela

What matters most?

Hey again...

So, I'm turning twenty in two days...and I don't know what to make out of it. My friends think it would be good for me to have a party and brighten things up, but to be honest at the moment I'm not so fond of it with all the things that are going on...

Going through this quarantine and the streess of being carefull 'not to touch anything' or 'who you associate with' because you may catch the virus, has made me realise that you can't control anything...

I mean we can't control what will go on with our lives... if some things are meant to be, are meant to be...We need to realise that sometimes we can't have what we want...

Life can't be controlled even if it seems like it and certaintly we can't control Death... 

Yes, we make choices that change the paths of our lives but eventually we are going where we supposed to be going... But you know what's funny, that even the choices we make or not even ours... Many books have taught me that. The heroine makes a choice that will change her life for good or bad and it depends whether she chooses the right one or the wrong but every single time, the choice she makes it's because she has a talk or an impact from the person that maters to them most or from the person who affects them most...

So basically our choices or not ours...

A quote from the Hunger Games book, where Peeta said that our lives are not measured in years but by the people we touch around us, can't make it more accurate...

We don't have control over our lives, our choices not even our personalities... Our personalities are built by our surroundings and how people treat us... Basically, we don't have control about anything and I realised it way too late... 

We need to change this and sit and think what we really want. What matters to us most? What keeps us up and what makes us? Do we have control over it? I think not but sometimes if we strong enough to believe that we can do that, why not?

All this, may sound very absurd but at the end of the day it's we who decide what to do, right?

I'm a twenty-year-old that already has questions that I shouldn't been thinking about at.., how most call it? Yeah, right... the most 'perfect and care-free period of your life'...

I try to be open-minded about things and about life but you see... doing things and working for something that you are only ok with or you don't like, makes you think like that...

I hope one day to be proved wrong about all this but I strongly believe that no matter what, we can't control entirely our lives...

Angela.