The Result of Excessive Thinking

For the last four months I've been overthinking way too much for my own good. You know, mostly what every concerning-with-anxiety-issues 20-year-old thinks. Like life, responsibilities, the begining of adulthood, carreer paths e.t.c. As I said before, in my other articles, I always wanted to pursue English Lit, be a teacher, be a professional writer and not being in the hospitality bussiness... I still haven't forgotten that dream and I still want to pursue it but the circumstances were not in my favor in many departments...Mentally, physically, uni, friends and more...

I suffered with depression in my teens for my personal reasons but I got through it with writting and books but for the last four months I was in a situation where those were not enough anymore. This pandemic in the begining wasn't so bad for me because I got to do things that I didn't have the time before, like finishing Bad Timing, practise my piano (after two years), dancing, finishing any book I had unfinished, starting learning a new language (korean to be exact) and of course I started this blog. But right now that, I don't know, what's the count? The third lockdown Greece had? Yeah the third one, I felt on edge. I was tired...I was mentally tired of everything...

My Uni had some problems with the curriculum of the lessons for next year because it was upgraded as a uni of the 6th level and not the 5th, that doesn't matter, and aparently I'm obligated to do another year because of the new lessons that were added...At the begining I was fine with it because I got to get a higher level diploma and my chances in getting in English Lit were about to increase but that wasn't the case... My mental problems started when an annoucement came out that even if the uni was upgraded the diploma wasn't to be higher from the old one so that made me had a lot of thoughts of wasting my time... Later we had some problems with a mental woman in the Uni that she threatned us to cuts us out from her lessons whatever we did, so that meant give the exams in her lessons more than two times, later on I heard that with that upgrade that even if I finished, I wouldn't be able to give exams for my entering in English (Thank God it turned out that wasn't true) and some other personal huge stuff... Later on I got into a deep hole where thoughts of... were you feel you are nohing and haven't accomplished anything in particular? Yeah that's how I felt 24/7...for the past two months and that's why I haven't updated anything during that time. 

Now I know the sourse of those wicked thoughts and I'm trying to demolish it? Obliviate it? Whatever you want call it. I realised that whatever is happening in life and around me is sometimes out of my control and I just have to go with the flow and make the best of it. The sourse of those thoughts were my own mind. I'm a prisoner of my own mind and I'm working on being released. Shit happens, as they say, and you just have to accept it if you can't do anything. Stop overthinking it. You want to do something? Do it! Don't cry about it and feel sorry for yourself because that is not going to get you anywhere...Believe me, I know... 

You may ask what happened? How did I realise it? How did I throw those thoughts away? Do you know a quote that says "People come into your life when you most need them"? What I'm about to say right now it's going to make some of you guys gringe but I don't care😂. Remember last time where I wrote about BTS (방탄소년단) being an inspire for people through their work and music? They did more than inspiring me... I first heard their song "Life goes on" on the radio on February and it was a day that I had thoughts of like, I don't know, ending my life... the best timing I could ask. When I heard it, it's like something clicked. Like it was saying to me "wake up, it's not worth feeling like that for literally nothing". I knew BTS but I never heard any of their songs before but that day when I first listened to that song, I felt like something huge was lifted. I looked the lyrics up and then I cried my eyes out... I was pissed that I let myself go through that way. I broke the promise that I had in my teens to not let that consume me but I let it happen. So I started listening to their songs, looking up about some interviews they did about saying to love yourself and do what makes you You. I woke up from that nightmare I was living because of their song. I was liberated and went through those four months day by day, month by month until I was OK just by hearing their songs

Now I'm in a situation where I'm working on it. I'm not still fine but I'm getting there. I'm done feeling sorry for myself ,again! I'm trying to do the best for myself and keep going and not give up my dreams. One step at a time. That's what I'm doing and I know for sure that I'm going to make it, whatever the obstacles. 

This gingerhead is out!