'Hell is Other People'

Many say that we create our circumstances, that we are responsible for our feelings, our situation or even how we got into something that couldn't get out off. That statement is part true and here is why. Yes, we control on how we respond and how we feel but not entirely because sometimes we are not the person or the cause that got into whatever we are going through. Thus, the statement: 'Hell is other People'.

I've being delying a lot to understand the meaning of this because I didn't want to know that other people have control over me because I'm the master of myself, right? Although, recently I realised that, that is not entirely true and I shouldn't ignored it anymore.

You see sometimes other people create situations for you without your consent. Now, don't get on me I will explain what I mean. I'm going to give you an example. Have you ever waked up in the morning and felt very energetic, happy and when you come across a person, you are close to or you care about or even you used to care... they do something that affects your mood, whether is related to you or not, and then suddenly you are not happy or energetic anymore. Just besause that person did something.

When someone states that 'Hell is Other People' he means that they or whoever, can create a way that  turns into the worst for us. Basically, Hell is other people because we are, in some way, trapped within a person or a situation. More specific a subject to their apprehension of you. Our Hell is what other people have created for us. You can't control it entirely, even if you ignore it. You are in a situation where a person has created a way to make you feel miserable or sad and yes, be in hell. 

You will realise that I'm not entirely wrong and see that sometimes we go through hell because of others. You may ask how to end it but there is no answer. The only thing that anyone can do is to contain it and indure it with everything that he has. Otherwise, you are cheating yourself by giving up. The outcome of that is in the hands of that person whether he lets it affect him more or less and of course if he has power over it.

What I've learned is that, even if I don't have control over this, the best is to indure it and of course in the best way I can because if I let it or anyone consume me in their darkness, you are long gone. You are obligated to not let that happen due to the fact that in the end you are going to be the one who destroyed yourself and not them who put you in that Hell.
My advise, whichever hell you are going through and whoever put you there...You only know how to overcome it because as I said you are the master of yourself, not them...

This gingerhead is out!

"You can't have the Rainbow, without a little bit of Rain"

You can't have the rainbow, without a little bit of rain...

I've read this sentence many times, in many books, in many movies and I've been hearing this from my mom since the day I was born. I never gave it any significance because I was most of the time 'in my rain' moments..., I'm not saying that I didn't have "my rainbow" moments, but the others out weight them many times. As you've read in my posts, recently, I try to focus on the good things and think of the good stuff. I can finally say that now I truly understand why my mom said that to me more times that I can account.

In my 21 years of living I finally understand why we should fall first before we are finally at the reaching point. If you are given everything in life, you don't appreciate anything and believe me when say nothing is to take granted for. I finally can say that I enjoy my life as it is right now and I'm definetely not sad, for sure.😂 I enjoy my life, my job, my friends and I can confirm for the first time that I don't miss home. I had to reach where everything was dark so I can appreciate the white. In order for something good to happen you have your falls, that's how life works. I mean even the world was created from a collision we consider bad but it created something beautiful. And the world is beautiful, in its every aspect, every wrinkle, every flaw and escpecially at its best. I apreciate everything that my life gave me, the bad stuff/ the good stuff, my depression/ my happiness, Everything. Those things created my personality, my traits, myself and I love how I am every part of me, of myself.

My ups and downs created me. Some may laugh at me or say that I'm talking rubbish but you through that and believe me, you will, at some point, you will understand what I'm saying and the reason why I write what I write.

That's all from me for now. I know it's short but I that's all I had for now 😏

This gingerhead is out!

The Result of Excessive Thinking

For the last four months I've been overthinking way too much for my own good. You know, mostly what every concerning-with-anxiety-issues 20-year-old thinks. Like life, responsibilities, the begining of adulthood, carreer paths e.t.c. As I said before, in my other articles, I always wanted to pursue English Lit, be a teacher, be a professional writer and not being in the hospitality bussiness... I still haven't forgotten that dream and I still want to pursue it but the circumstances were not in my favor in many departments...Mentally, physically, uni, friends and more...

I suffered with depression in my teens for my personal reasons but I got through it with writting and books but for the last four months I was in a situation where those were not enough anymore. This pandemic in the begining wasn't so bad for me because I got to do things that I didn't have the time before, like finishing Bad Timing, practise my piano (after two years), dancing, finishing any book I had unfinished, starting learning a new language (korean to be exact) and of course I started this blog. But right now that, I don't know, what's the count? The third lockdown Greece had? Yeah the third one, I felt on edge. I was tired...I was mentally tired of everything...

My Uni had some problems with the curriculum of the lessons for next year because it was upgraded as a uni of the 6th level and not the 5th, that doesn't matter, and aparently I'm obligated to do another year because of the new lessons that were added...At the begining I was fine with it because I got to get a higher level diploma and my chances in getting in English Lit were about to increase but that wasn't the case... My mental problems started when an annoucement came out that even if the uni was upgraded the diploma wasn't to be higher from the old one so that made me had a lot of thoughts of wasting my time... Later we had some problems with a mental woman in the Uni that she threatned us to cuts us out from her lessons whatever we did, so that meant give the exams in her lessons more than two times, later on I heard that with that upgrade that even if I finished, I wouldn't be able to give exams for my entering in English (Thank God it turned out that wasn't true) and some other personal huge stuff... Later on I got into a deep hole where thoughts of... were you feel you are nohing and haven't accomplished anything in particular? Yeah that's how I felt 24/7...for the past two months and that's why I haven't updated anything during that time. 

Now I know the sourse of those wicked thoughts and I'm trying to demolish it? Obliviate it? Whatever you want call it. I realised that whatever is happening in life and around me is sometimes out of my control and I just have to go with the flow and make the best of it. The sourse of those thoughts were my own mind. I'm a prisoner of my own mind and I'm working on being released. Shit happens, as they say, and you just have to accept it if you can't do anything. Stop overthinking it. You want to do something? Do it! Don't cry about it and feel sorry for yourself because that is not going to get you anywhere...Believe me, I know... 

You may ask what happened? How did I realise it? How did I throw those thoughts away? Do you know a quote that says "People come into your life when you most need them"? What I'm about to say right now it's going to make some of you guys gringe but I don't care😂. Remember last time where I wrote about BTS (방탄소년단) being an inspire for people through their work and music? They did more than inspiring me... I first heard their song "Life goes on" on the radio on February and it was a day that I had thoughts of like, I don't know, ending my life... the best timing I could ask. When I heard it, it's like something clicked. Like it was saying to me "wake up, it's not worth feeling like that for literally nothing". I knew BTS but I never heard any of their songs before but that day when I first listened to that song, I felt like something huge was lifted. I looked the lyrics up and then I cried my eyes out... I was pissed that I let myself go through that way. I broke the promise that I had in my teens to not let that consume me but I let it happen. So I started listening to their songs, looking up about some interviews they did about saying to love yourself and do what makes you You. I woke up from that nightmare I was living because of their song. I was liberated and went through those four months day by day, month by month until I was OK just by hearing their songs

Now I'm in a situation where I'm working on it. I'm not still fine but I'm getting there. I'm done feeling sorry for myself ,again! I'm trying to do the best for myself and keep going and not give up my dreams. One step at a time. That's what I'm doing and I know for sure that I'm going to make it, whatever the obstacles. 

This gingerhead is out!

The "Last Day" on Earth

They say when you wake up in the morning you quite have a feeling of how that day is going to go. Whether you are optimistic, pessimist or you don't even believe in omens but deep down you know even if you can't explain it. I never questioned my gut, my sixth sence whatever you want call it because most of the times it was never out of line. What I mean is that whatever omen, foreboding, bad feeling or even a good one I had, it always happened. I always went with my gut and when I didn't follow it, nothing was in my favor. Everything was like a roller coaster... Am I the only one? Am I crazy or something or other people feel like that as well?

So my main question is this: Did you ever wake up and felt like this is your "last day" on earth? Now do not get worried or exited, some may be 😆, I mean like waking up and feeling like this is the last day of how your world is going to be, like it is the "last day" on earth. You wake up and you notice more of the things around you, you pay more attention like you are seeing them for the last time... How do you explain this? Is there actually an explaination for this? Is it something that we should give more attention to or it's just the way we see things? Does that happen when we actually start to see the things around us? When we actually start to notice?

For the first time, I don't have an actual answer, logical or even a philosophical one. I do have an hypothesis but I can't express it because I don't want to scare anyone. Sometimes, some things need to keep them to yourself...

Do you know what's funny? People tend to realise things they didn't before, during a spectucular event. Do you know that today is the Great Conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn? The Maya said that this is the actual day of the ending and not back 2012... I say its bullshit because the ending is going to come when you are not expecting it. Anyways, NASA named this phenomenon "The Star of Bethlehem" because at night this conjunction is going to light up the sky just like the day of Christmas. It has a very significant impact on most of us even if you don't believe it or not. I always wondered why all those stuff happened and what is the meaning of it. You know just regular existing questions, I think... I would like to tracode this as just a sign of something new. I mean last time it happened the son of God came to us. Maybe this time it will happen something else...

The only conclusion I can come to is that whenever something happens, astronomical, spectacular, regular or even events that can't be explained, the "sci-fi" ones as many would charactirise, there is always a reason behind it and I don't think people are ready to know about, especially me. So yeah, I could blame this feeling, of being my "last day" on earth, on this just to calm my nerves but I know that is not so true but I'm going to skip it and continue with whatever happens next...

I hope I didn't trigger anything on you guys because I can be a little bit out of the blue but this is who I am. Anyways, let me know if anyone is feeling like this, not just today, in general.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.

Stories behind a Word

Now that Christmas is one week away and with all the stuff that are going on, the pandemic, the self-loathing, depression that many people go through this days... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've talked and wrote many times that life is short and that we don't have a complete control over it of what happens or not but I've come to a conclusion that we should be grateful for what we have now and never forget that...

I'm in my last year of college, as I said before, of a degree that I'm not actually happy with so I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a writer and get an English Lit degree, and of course I will continue doing that, but I'm done with complaining that I've done nothing with my life. 

For months, before the second wave and before I finished writing Bad Timing I was actually puting myself down. I had a lot of bad thoughts, about the fact that I'm not going to do anything with my life and all that stuff. I know why I was like that... It was actually going to be my second summer of Practise on my degree and this year I didn't do it because of the pandemic and that put me down a lot because I have to, now, push a few months more of my graduation and that was not good for my mental state. Anyways, I got back up when I finished my book and I saw a little of my future there... When I uploaded the story as a complete work, it got a 1000+ reads in one day and not only in Greece, that was actually my salvation, but in 10 other countries! The fact that my story, even for a week, was read from people out of my nation was something I couldn't believe...I mean people from Korea, Taiwan, America, e.t.c, reached a story that was written miles away is something mindblowing!

Anyways, I pushed away all of my bad thoughts, I'm doing the best I can for my future and whatever happens. They say if you think positive and deeply ask for something that you want truly, the universe will find a way to give it to you. I actually believe that. I saw recently a quote about that: "Beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost". It's true, you need to lose yourself , your path and understand its value.

Twenty-twenty (2020) has shown me that nothing is for granted and that you should fight to survive and get what you want. I'm happy with who I am and where I am now but I will continue to pursue the state that I want to be. 

The only thing that scares me is not if I will get influenced from anyone or about an obstacle that will get in my way, is the way that my mind works. The thing that terrifies me is myself. I'm the only obstacle that will get in my way to reach my dreams. I had 24/7 thoughts of like "You are not good enough" and stuff like that but now I'm in the state of where I fight the bad side of myself. I'm the only enemy that I need to win now and that's what I call progress. For many years, I blamed everything and everyone for my mistakes but now that is over because now I love and I BELIEVE in myself and that is more important than anything.

Covid-19, the fires in Australia (my second home), the civil war that's going on on Suria has shown me that I live the best life I can get. There are much worse things to worry about, worse games to play. I get goosebumps with the idea that war will come in my country but I have belief that whatever happens, everything is going to be okay.

Maybe its the atmosphre of this specific time of the year but for a month my belief about myself and about everything, about the fact that nothing bad is going to happen is what keeps me going. I'm actually at peace, I'm in the state where I can fight my own my mind and not let it consume me. So yeah...the main key to life is not actually love or hope is belief and that tells a lot. A word that hides behind it many stories.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela