Stories behind a Word

Now that Christmas is one week away and with all the stuff that are going on, the pandemic, the self-loathing, depression that many people go through this days... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've talked and wrote many times that life is short and that we don't have a complete control over it of what happens or not but I've come to a conclusion that we should be grateful for what we have now and never forget that...

I'm in my last year of college, as I said before, of a degree that I'm not actually happy with so I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a writer and get an English Lit degree, and of course I will continue doing that, but I'm done with complaining that I've done nothing with my life. 

For months, before the second wave and before I finished writing Bad Timing I was actually puting myself down. I had a lot of bad thoughts, about the fact that I'm not going to do anything with my life and all that stuff. I know why I was like that... It was actually going to be my second summer of Practise on my degree and this year I didn't do it because of the pandemic and that put me down a lot because I have to, now, push a few months more of my graduation and that was not good for my mental state. Anyways, I got back up when I finished my book and I saw a little of my future there... When I uploaded the story as a complete work, it got a 1000+ reads in one day and not only in Greece, that was actually my salvation, but in 10 other countries! The fact that my story, even for a week, was read from people out of my nation was something I couldn't believe...I mean people from Korea, Taiwan, America, e.t.c, reached a story that was written miles away is something mindblowing!

Anyways, I pushed away all of my bad thoughts, I'm doing the best I can for my future and whatever happens. They say if you think positive and deeply ask for something that you want truly, the universe will find a way to give it to you. I actually believe that. I saw recently a quote about that: "Beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost". It's true, you need to lose yourself , your path and understand its value.

Twenty-twenty (2020) has shown me that nothing is for granted and that you should fight to survive and get what you want. I'm happy with who I am and where I am now but I will continue to pursue the state that I want to be. 

The only thing that scares me is not if I will get influenced from anyone or about an obstacle that will get in my way, is the way that my mind works. The thing that terrifies me is myself. I'm the only obstacle that will get in my way to reach my dreams. I had 24/7 thoughts of like "You are not good enough" and stuff like that but now I'm in the state of where I fight the bad side of myself. I'm the only enemy that I need to win now and that's what I call progress. For many years, I blamed everything and everyone for my mistakes but now that is over because now I love and I BELIEVE in myself and that is more important than anything.

Covid-19, the fires in Australia (my second home), the civil war that's going on on Suria has shown me that I live the best life I can get. There are much worse things to worry about, worse games to play. I get goosebumps with the idea that war will come in my country but I have belief that whatever happens, everything is going to be okay.

Maybe its the atmosphre of this specific time of the year but for a month my belief about myself and about everything, about the fact that nothing bad is going to happen is what keeps me going. I'm actually at peace, I'm in the state where I can fight my own my mind and not let it consume me. So yeah...the main key to life is not actually love or hope is belief and that tells a lot. A word that hides behind it many stories.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela