Destiny is not just one path

They say when you reach the middle of your twenties after you obtain a fisrt degree, you absolutely know what you are going to do with your life. Most people after that have a plan they want to follow whether that is a job with career opportunities, a second degree or something totally different.
Let me tell you a secret, all that is an illussion. Noone, absolutely noone knows what they are going to do with their lives even if they follow a plan that they may have put down years ago and do you know why? Because nothing is guaranteed that every little thing we plan will go as it supposed to go.

Humans are beings that are mend and bound on the mercy of destiny. 

Every little thing that happens in our day happened for a reason so despite our plans to do something whether that is to get a dream job or pass some exams the outcome of it is what is meant for you at that specific moment of life. There is a reason why the universe is not giving every person what he wants at the time he is asking for it.

Every single book, poem, newsletter in general every single piece of writing, written through the passage of time has proved and shown that exactly. Stories have teached us that we walk in a specific path that was created for us the minute we were born. The path can be easy with flowers and blooms or it can be a difficult one with obstacles and thorns.

Now you may say that I tend to write things like that over and over again and many people ask me why do I make it sound like people don't have a say on what will go on their life. I may sound like I'm disappointed in life and have given up on trying to change how things will work out and let my destiny decide what happens to me, right? Well is it that a choice as well? It's not like I have given up. No, totaly the opposite actually. I have gone though a lot and every obstacle that comes in my way I just pretend never happened and move on because I know how I react to it will lead to a destined destination of my life.

Destiny is not just one path.

Picture this. Destiny is like a maze with different turns and paths. Every person is born with his own maze, with different versions of his destiny. Depending on the choices and the reactions on things that life throws at us. So destiny can be either a path that you just follow along deciding not do anything about it or you follow a differnt path by making a turn on every single chance just to change the outcome of your situation that you are in. Was that a little helpful?

For me my destiny is writing, even if I didn't get to succeed to get into my dream Uni as my second degree. But I will not let that put me down. I could honestly. I could just give up and leave one of my desinged paths to do its job and just go along and work only in the hotels as I usually do but I decided not too. Just because I'm not meant to be studying English at this time it doesn't mean that I'm not meant to do it next year. Besides I got to do the things I wanted to do with out the stress of achieving something you want for a while. It's kinda liberating honestly. Just like writting I decide what I write to stay on so I decide as well which desinged path for me is going to be the one to be sealed as my destined path.

Confusing enough I know but I hope my words can be kind revealing to some people and make them look the world with a different perspective. My korean teacher is that person to me right now, an inspiration and has taught me a lot. I tend to look up to her a lot for many things and I hope I can follow her steps. I really respect the people who can be an inspiration to others and I hope I can be one of them through writting. What's meant to be written, it will be.

Besides haven't the great philosophers defined that Writing is the basic tool and the greatest of them all to built a civilization. Without it, the world as we know it could not exist.

This is gingerhead is out!

Everything happens for a reason.

 If I could have a penny for every time I heard this in my life, right now I would have been a milionaire.

I do I agree with most people when they say this because, yes, everything does happen for a reason whether you know the reason at the time or you found out later... This season I have learned many things about how life works even more than before. I can tell for certain that we are at a specific place where we are suppose to be, even when we think we don't.

We go through situations for a reason, thinghs that happen, are happenning for a reason. We even meet some people for a reason...

Whether we like it or not we do not have a say on this and I can tell from experience. Everything we go through are bricks that build us. That builds our personalities, what we are and what we are meant to be.
Whatever happens in our life is a piece of the puzzle that we need to fullfill.
Everything. Even the bad pieces.
We go through heartbreaks, depresion, happiness, love, everything in general, just to complete that damn puzzle that is called life. We are meant to feel those things. We are meant to accept it.

Have you ever wandered why the universe or God whatever you may call it has those annoying ways to show that, yes you are meant to feel that thing, in that specific period even when it feels wrong? The universe has many funny ways to show that and believe me, even ways that it's like they have come out of a book. Well, books are inspired from real life so I guess I don't have to be that surprised...

I was on holidays on some town and I happened to cross some street artist, I think his name was Huxalu, I don't remember exactly anyways, and he was painting some pictures with grafiti spray. Here is the catch. He was painting pictures, personal pictures, specifically for each person by looking them in the eyes. H e was stranger to all. He didn't know anyone, not who they were, their backstories, in general people'e lives that they were there.

The paintings were supposed to mirror what that person wants more in his soul.

Each person's personal story. 

For example, he painted a picture for a guy that showed a sunset but it was a sunset that you don't see in regular paintings but something like you see through a photo? Something like that.. 

Huxalu started saying to the guy that you have a peacefull mind that is yearning for something for a very long time. He specifically told him that he will be able  to see it earlier than he thinks.
 I was not quite sure why he painted that even he started explaining the picture but when I saw the guy crying when he layed eyes on the painted sunset, it shocked me. The guy explained that was the sunset he was looking at everyday form his home that he hasn't seen for years and that he yearned to see.

So yeah, of course being the nosy cat that I am after I saw more people going through what thatt stranger went through, I asked for a painting as well... I don't want to tell what happened next or what he told me, only that I had chills and that I was emotional. I was overthinking way to much that night. 

I couldn't find the off button on that day...

Life is way too complicated and I have so many questions that I can't find answers to. I think telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason, that we meet someone for a reason is just a way to console ourselves and to calm our minds from not having a damn answer to those big whys...

I think is just an excuse for us so we don't have to look for the answer.

This gingerhead is out!

Finding the answers to why...

 I know there is being a long time since I posted something but given the circumstances, a lot has being going on that has drained everything in my mind.
Recent events has shown me that life is very complicated and nothing goes as expected. At least when you think that nothing can go wrong.

As I wrote in previous articles, many people believe and including myself everything happens for a reason. You may not know why but the answer sooner or later comes in the light, right? I've recently learn from a very extraordinary person that even if we make our choices in the end of the road we end up where we are destined, right?
Well, noone knows if he is in the right road or not but there are some signs that can help you found out. I find myself thinking and waiting to know why something has to happen in that given time. Time is a very fragile thing that you keep chasing and can't reach so it's normal to something happen in a very bad timing in order to just happen...

We as beings do not have enough time to live some things so we end doing and feeling stuff in a small amount of time because we believe we are running out of it. Then comes the unpatience of not knowing why that happen and we need some answers fast which eventually do not come in that given time but way later.

So all of these brings us to this question; Does everything happen for a reason so we can learn from it or is it just a line of events that we do not have to look to much into it?

As many said before there is no coinsidence in life. There are no just some events that happened in that given time because people made some choices. People are born with many different sides and by making the right choices they have to end up in the best version of themselves. People are destined to be the best version of themselves with or without the right choices.

We have to remember that, yes, everything does happen for a reason and yes, we will know why that happened but not when we want to but at the time where we are ready to know why. Like it or not, sometimes we are not ready to know why...

I hope this helped.

This gingerhead is out!
 

'Hell is Other People'

Many say that we create our circumstances, that we are responsible for our feelings, our situation or even how we got into something that couldn't get out off. That statement is part true and here is why. Yes, we control on how we respond and how we feel but not entirely because sometimes we are not the person or the cause that got into whatever we are going through. Thus, the statement: 'Hell is other People'.

I've being delying a lot to understand the meaning of this because I didn't want to know that other people have control over me because I'm the master of myself, right? Although, recently I realised that, that is not entirely true and I shouldn't ignored it anymore.

You see sometimes other people create situations for you without your consent. Now, don't get on me I will explain what I mean. I'm going to give you an example. Have you ever waked up in the morning and felt very energetic, happy and when you come across a person, you are close to or you care about or even you used to care... they do something that affects your mood, whether is related to you or not, and then suddenly you are not happy or energetic anymore. Just besause that person did something.

When someone states that 'Hell is Other People' he means that they or whoever, can create a way that  turns into the worst for us. Basically, Hell is other people because we are, in some way, trapped within a person or a situation. More specific a subject to their apprehension of you. Our Hell is what other people have created for us. You can't control it entirely, even if you ignore it. You are in a situation where a person has created a way to make you feel miserable or sad and yes, be in hell. 

You will realise that I'm not entirely wrong and see that sometimes we go through hell because of others. You may ask how to end it but there is no answer. The only thing that anyone can do is to contain it and indure it with everything that he has. Otherwise, you are cheating yourself by giving up. The outcome of that is in the hands of that person whether he lets it affect him more or less and of course if he has power over it.

What I've learned is that, even if I don't have control over this, the best is to indure it and of course in the best way I can because if I let it or anyone consume me in their darkness, you are long gone. You are obligated to not let that happen due to the fact that in the end you are going to be the one who destroyed yourself and not them who put you in that Hell.
My advise, whichever hell you are going through and whoever put you there...You only know how to overcome it because as I said you are the master of yourself, not them...

This gingerhead is out!

Do you know what you want?

In life you will have to pass many paths that you never wanted. Whether that is being somewhere or being with someone or even decide to talk about somethig that needs to be said. Many people have to choose between friendship and love, others between work and family but you never know what is the right choice... I know it's kinda weird writing something like that now, when the only things I've talked were only about depression and how to move on with life. 

Some recent events in my life have shown me that the world has two sides and I was a fool to believe it was only beautiful... Can you tell me what you guys do when you are chased by someone you are not suppose to? Is it normal to feel uncomfortable by it? I guess it's not at all... and I'm an idiot for not seeing it and not talk. I know some of you have been through this shit but I want you tell me what were the consequences when you spoke...

Life decisions are things that need to be taken with sensitivity and carefulness because if you take them reclessly, you will regret it like I did...

 I'm reclessly crushing over an asshole who basically used me to forget someone else. And I'm more that an idiot because I knew it and I let him do whatever he wanted. Believe me when I say you don't want that in your life... But you know what? I don' t regret it. Life experiences they say. I liked it, it happened and that't it. So my advise for you today is to do what the hell you want! What your heart tells you because later you are going to think that you never actually tried. At least you did what you wanted and that's the true thing. Right?

What do you guys think? Am I a lunatic to say those things or am I just a 21-year-old who just realised how things work when her entire life was living under a rock?

You tell me because I'm dried out for sure...

This gingerhead is out! 

"You can't have the Rainbow, without a little bit of Rain"

You can't have the rainbow, without a little bit of rain...

I've read this sentence many times, in many books, in many movies and I've been hearing this from my mom since the day I was born. I never gave it any significance because I was most of the time 'in my rain' moments..., I'm not saying that I didn't have "my rainbow" moments, but the others out weight them many times. As you've read in my posts, recently, I try to focus on the good things and think of the good stuff. I can finally say that now I truly understand why my mom said that to me more times that I can account.

In my 21 years of living I finally understand why we should fall first before we are finally at the reaching point. If you are given everything in life, you don't appreciate anything and believe me when say nothing is to take granted for. I finally can say that I enjoy my life as it is right now and I'm definetely not sad, for sure.😂 I enjoy my life, my job, my friends and I can confirm for the first time that I don't miss home. I had to reach where everything was dark so I can appreciate the white. In order for something good to happen you have your falls, that's how life works. I mean even the world was created from a collision we consider bad but it created something beautiful. And the world is beautiful, in its every aspect, every wrinkle, every flaw and escpecially at its best. I apreciate everything that my life gave me, the bad stuff/ the good stuff, my depression/ my happiness, Everything. Those things created my personality, my traits, myself and I love how I am every part of me, of myself.

My ups and downs created me. Some may laugh at me or say that I'm talking rubbish but you through that and believe me, you will, at some point, you will understand what I'm saying and the reason why I write what I write.

That's all from me for now. I know it's short but I that's all I had for now 😏

This gingerhead is out!

The Result of Excessive Thinking

For the last four months I've been overthinking way too much for my own good. You know, mostly what every concerning-with-anxiety-issues 20-year-old thinks. Like life, responsibilities, the begining of adulthood, carreer paths e.t.c. As I said before, in my other articles, I always wanted to pursue English Lit, be a teacher, be a professional writer and not being in the hospitality bussiness... I still haven't forgotten that dream and I still want to pursue it but the circumstances were not in my favor in many departments...Mentally, physically, uni, friends and more...

I suffered with depression in my teens for my personal reasons but I got through it with writting and books but for the last four months I was in a situation where those were not enough anymore. This pandemic in the begining wasn't so bad for me because I got to do things that I didn't have the time before, like finishing Bad Timing, practise my piano (after two years), dancing, finishing any book I had unfinished, starting learning a new language (korean to be exact) and of course I started this blog. But right now that, I don't know, what's the count? The third lockdown Greece had? Yeah the third one, I felt on edge. I was tired...I was mentally tired of everything...

My Uni had some problems with the curriculum of the lessons for next year because it was upgraded as a uni of the 6th level and not the 5th, that doesn't matter, and aparently I'm obligated to do another year because of the new lessons that were added...At the begining I was fine with it because I got to get a higher level diploma and my chances in getting in English Lit were about to increase but that wasn't the case... My mental problems started when an annoucement came out that even if the uni was upgraded the diploma wasn't to be higher from the old one so that made me had a lot of thoughts of wasting my time... Later we had some problems with a mental woman in the Uni that she threatned us to cuts us out from her lessons whatever we did, so that meant give the exams in her lessons more than two times, later on I heard that with that upgrade that even if I finished, I wouldn't be able to give exams for my entering in English (Thank God it turned out that wasn't true) and some other personal huge stuff... Later on I got into a deep hole where thoughts of... were you feel you are nohing and haven't accomplished anything in particular? Yeah that's how I felt 24/7...for the past two months and that's why I haven't updated anything during that time. 

Now I know the sourse of those wicked thoughts and I'm trying to demolish it? Obliviate it? Whatever you want call it. I realised that whatever is happening in life and around me is sometimes out of my control and I just have to go with the flow and make the best of it. The sourse of those thoughts were my own mind. I'm a prisoner of my own mind and I'm working on being released. Shit happens, as they say, and you just have to accept it if you can't do anything. Stop overthinking it. You want to do something? Do it! Don't cry about it and feel sorry for yourself because that is not going to get you anywhere...Believe me, I know... 

You may ask what happened? How did I realise it? How did I throw those thoughts away? Do you know a quote that says "People come into your life when you most need them"? What I'm about to say right now it's going to make some of you guys gringe but I don't care😂. Remember last time where I wrote about BTS (방탄소년단) being an inspire for people through their work and music? They did more than inspiring me... I first heard their song "Life goes on" on the radio on February and it was a day that I had thoughts of like, I don't know, ending my life... the best timing I could ask. When I heard it, it's like something clicked. Like it was saying to me "wake up, it's not worth feeling like that for literally nothing". I knew BTS but I never heard any of their songs before but that day when I first listened to that song, I felt like something huge was lifted. I looked the lyrics up and then I cried my eyes out... I was pissed that I let myself go through that way. I broke the promise that I had in my teens to not let that consume me but I let it happen. So I started listening to their songs, looking up about some interviews they did about saying to love yourself and do what makes you You. I woke up from that nightmare I was living because of their song. I was liberated and went through those four months day by day, month by month until I was OK just by hearing their songs

Now I'm in a situation where I'm working on it. I'm not still fine but I'm getting there. I'm done feeling sorry for myself ,again! I'm trying to do the best for myself and keep going and not give up my dreams. One step at a time. That's what I'm doing and I know for sure that I'm going to make it, whatever the obstacles. 

This gingerhead is out!

The Term of "Obsession"

 Every person in this world has something that swoons or "obsesses" over. Some people swoon over books, others over movies and others, which is the most common one, boy bands. We all have something that makes us forget where we are and escape our reality. The most common use of it is as a shield, as a defence from the world. I like to call it; "Living in my own bubble."
  My "obsession" started way to earlier from most people. I started swooning over things when the "problems" started, when I couldn't understand common matters of life. Every teenager goes through that phase on not carrying about anything but a certain thing. Have you ever noticed that when you start undrestanding what's going on around you, you realise that is better being on your own world than living in the real one? I read books to live in those worlds and not being present in the real one. Most people are swooning, "obsessing" over things because they don't want to deal with their reality. It's what keeps them sane from the mess that ravels around them because that is the only thing that gives them hope that anything bad can be good again, no matter what. At least that's how I see it...

Let me give you an example. Do you know the korean boyband, Bangtan Sonyeondan "BTS"?  Many people swoon over them. They have "literally" taken all over the world, including me and do you know why is that happening? Due to the fact that BTS sends messages of hope, love and living a happy life even if everything is messed up just through their music. That boy band has worked very hard for being where they are today and that shows to people that anyone can accomplish anything only if they want to. People "obsess" over them because of what they represent. When people see their idols creating something unique, it makes them believe in something and not let their sadness or whatever happens in their lives to push them down.

 I certainly "obsess" over things and still do because it is what keeps me from not giving up from my dreams. I read books for their unique worlds that they represent. I see movies, drama series for the lessons they show. I listen to music due to it reveals that life has magic in it and lastly I write for the better world I want to build. These are my "obsessions". Those are the things that I swoon over! Those are the things that give me hope for life and the key to a happy one. I obsess over the ideas that they represent. I've never "obsessed" over things that I couldn't have... I swooned over the things that it was possible for me to obtain. 

So the "nice" term of obsession is not being attouched to something that can lead to bad conflicts, to everlasting infatuattion but something that gives you the protection from your problems, something that gives you the push to be better, to make great things and isn't it what everyone wants? Being "obsessed" with something is not bad as long as it keeps you in a reality check and not in the insane line. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Swooning over things is sometimes the only thing that keeps a person happy...

Now don't go on and saying I'm crazy, I hope you understood on what I'm talking about 😂😂.  I hope someone can relate to this. I certainly did. 

I want to thank you for some of the emails and DMs of gratitude I got from you guys and made me feel that I don't write these stuff just for myself. I'm touched that other people feel the same way I do or that I make some others to process stuff that they didn't before. Thank you. Really.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela

   

The Break-Up

 I'm not so used to write about these kind of stuff such as dating or relationships and e.t.c, but recent events of a friend of mines have made me realise some things. I've never had to worried about getting hurt or going through a rough break-up because I never let myself get too attouched... I can't understand how can someone you love, care and vice versa, can actually destroy you?

I don't know how that feels, I mean how can you let someone put you down, make you feel that you are not worth of anything... How?  I've watched my friends getting hurt and cry over a boy, break-up after break-up and so on.... and each time it was even more painful for them. It literally made me so emotionally exhausted just by comforting my best friends that I made a promise to myself that I would never end up like this. Crying over someone who litterally doesn't care or ends a relationship with a shitty excuse of "It's me, not you and I need some time to think to revaluate myself" and so on... Although, there are some relationships that end because of circumstances that are out of control on both parts but those are very rare. The cause of a break-up is mostly because one of the two or both parts don't or can't try anymore to work on it. Or there is case where one part doesn't know what he or she wants from the other and again it ends in a break-up. In that circumstance, I would have ended on the minute he told me "I don't know what I want" because a person who is undecisive and doesn't know where he stands, believe me, it can rip you apart emotionally little by litle, each and every day just by thinking about it. There is no such thing as "We are on a break", like F.R.I. E. N. D. S😉, so you either are together or not. So you better spare yourself the hurt by ending it right there.

I know I'm not the best person to ask about those things because I never had a serious relationship mostly because of that promise. I had those kind of relationships of dating for like couple a month or two and most of them were in stages of flirting, teasing, going out on some dates and when it got to the part of actually doing something...I just walked away. I know most would say that's wrong because you don't let yourself to feel but the truth is I never met someone who made want to feel more. Yes, there is attraction but no feels. For me relationships are like maths: attraction+feelings+ determination= relationship. If in this equation something is missing, there is no relationship...so it's better to walk away to spare the hurt on both.

Again I'm not the right person to ask because I'm no marriage counselor but I know this! Never let anyone pull you down with them and make you reach a point where you can't deal with yourself, where having thoughts of sort like "I want to die". Believe me those kind of people,
toxic people, you don't want them in your life. I gave this speech to my friend for like ten to twenty times these couple of days... It really hurts me to see people, I care, to feel like that. Going through a break-up is rough and I know it's a matter of change because you lose a person from your life basically forever, a person where you thought he was going to stay for a long time. But no one has the right to make you feel so much hurt. Not even the closest person in your whole life! You stand up on your own, you built the walls you need for yourself and let in the people that are actually worth it.

You can call me a cold bitch or whatever you want but I'm lucky to have learned those things from just being present and observing those things on other people's lives and not experience it myself. I actually spared myself from this kind of hurt...for now and I don't think I actually had the change to do it because, as I said, I walked away. I had my own, depressing, things to worry about. I didn't need that as well and I think I still don't want to engage myself with dating when I feel nothing for the othet after a while. 

Moral of the story, no one has the right to pull you down, to destroy you, to make you feel you don't want to live anymore. You are yourself's enemy and destroyer, no one else is, so it's up to you to not let anyone do that! You need to metarmorphor yourself from destroyer to guardian! Be you and never let anyone change and destroy you!

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.

  

The "Last Day" on Earth

They say when you wake up in the morning you quite have a feeling of how that day is going to go. Whether you are optimistic, pessimist or you don't even believe in omens but deep down you know even if you can't explain it. I never questioned my gut, my sixth sence whatever you want call it because most of the times it was never out of line. What I mean is that whatever omen, foreboding, bad feeling or even a good one I had, it always happened. I always went with my gut and when I didn't follow it, nothing was in my favor. Everything was like a roller coaster... Am I the only one? Am I crazy or something or other people feel like that as well?

So my main question is this: Did you ever wake up and felt like this is your "last day" on earth? Now do not get worried or exited, some may be 😆, I mean like waking up and feeling like this is the last day of how your world is going to be, like it is the "last day" on earth. You wake up and you notice more of the things around you, you pay more attention like you are seeing them for the last time... How do you explain this? Is there actually an explaination for this? Is it something that we should give more attention to or it's just the way we see things? Does that happen when we actually start to see the things around us? When we actually start to notice?

For the first time, I don't have an actual answer, logical or even a philosophical one. I do have an hypothesis but I can't express it because I don't want to scare anyone. Sometimes, some things need to keep them to yourself...

Do you know what's funny? People tend to realise things they didn't before, during a spectucular event. Do you know that today is the Great Conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn? The Maya said that this is the actual day of the ending and not back 2012... I say its bullshit because the ending is going to come when you are not expecting it. Anyways, NASA named this phenomenon "The Star of Bethlehem" because at night this conjunction is going to light up the sky just like the day of Christmas. It has a very significant impact on most of us even if you don't believe it or not. I always wondered why all those stuff happened and what is the meaning of it. You know just regular existing questions, I think... I would like to tracode this as just a sign of something new. I mean last time it happened the son of God came to us. Maybe this time it will happen something else...

The only conclusion I can come to is that whenever something happens, astronomical, spectacular, regular or even events that can't be explained, the "sci-fi" ones as many would charactirise, there is always a reason behind it and I don't think people are ready to know about, especially me. So yeah, I could blame this feeling, of being my "last day" on earth, on this just to calm my nerves but I know that is not so true but I'm going to skip it and continue with whatever happens next...

I hope I didn't trigger anything on you guys because I can be a little bit out of the blue but this is who I am. Anyways, let me know if anyone is feeling like this, not just today, in general.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.

Stories behind a Word

Now that Christmas is one week away and with all the stuff that are going on, the pandemic, the self-loathing, depression that many people go through this days... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I've talked and wrote many times that life is short and that we don't have a complete control over it of what happens or not but I've come to a conclusion that we should be grateful for what we have now and never forget that...

I'm in my last year of college, as I said before, of a degree that I'm not actually happy with so I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a writer and get an English Lit degree, and of course I will continue doing that, but I'm done with complaining that I've done nothing with my life. 

For months, before the second wave and before I finished writing Bad Timing I was actually puting myself down. I had a lot of bad thoughts, about the fact that I'm not going to do anything with my life and all that stuff. I know why I was like that... It was actually going to be my second summer of Practise on my degree and this year I didn't do it because of the pandemic and that put me down a lot because I have to, now, push a few months more of my graduation and that was not good for my mental state. Anyways, I got back up when I finished my book and I saw a little of my future there... When I uploaded the story as a complete work, it got a 1000+ reads in one day and not only in Greece, that was actually my salvation, but in 10 other countries! The fact that my story, even for a week, was read from people out of my nation was something I couldn't believe...I mean people from Korea, Taiwan, America, e.t.c, reached a story that was written miles away is something mindblowing!

Anyways, I pushed away all of my bad thoughts, I'm doing the best I can for my future and whatever happens. They say if you think positive and deeply ask for something that you want truly, the universe will find a way to give it to you. I actually believe that. I saw recently a quote about that: "Beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost". It's true, you need to lose yourself , your path and understand its value.

Twenty-twenty (2020) has shown me that nothing is for granted and that you should fight to survive and get what you want. I'm happy with who I am and where I am now but I will continue to pursue the state that I want to be. 

The only thing that scares me is not if I will get influenced from anyone or about an obstacle that will get in my way, is the way that my mind works. The thing that terrifies me is myself. I'm the only obstacle that will get in my way to reach my dreams. I had 24/7 thoughts of like "You are not good enough" and stuff like that but now I'm in the state of where I fight the bad side of myself. I'm the only enemy that I need to win now and that's what I call progress. For many years, I blamed everything and everyone for my mistakes but now that is over because now I love and I BELIEVE in myself and that is more important than anything.

Covid-19, the fires in Australia (my second home), the civil war that's going on on Suria has shown me that I live the best life I can get. There are much worse things to worry about, worse games to play. I get goosebumps with the idea that war will come in my country but I have belief that whatever happens, everything is going to be okay.

Maybe its the atmosphre of this specific time of the year but for a month my belief about myself and about everything, about the fact that nothing bad is going to happen is what keeps me going. I'm actually at peace, I'm in the state where I can fight my own my mind and not let it consume me. So yeah...the main key to life is not actually love or hope is belief and that tells a lot. A word that hides behind it many stories.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela

There is one thing stronger than Fear...

 Have you ever felt what is like to be afraid?

I'm not saying the small things like being afraid of the dark or talk in front of a lot of people and all that kind of stuff. I'm talking about really feeling afraid, of really know ing what Fear tastes like...

All people have fears but nothing compares with the fear that you are in danger or the fear of dying because you messed up. I felt a lot of times that my life was going to end because of something I thought or done... 

Do you know how it feels to be in a constant Fear? Do you know know how messed up it is to be afraid all the time? I will describe it to you. All day, you feel on edge like you are going to drop on the floor in a minute, like your heart is going to burst, like you can't take it anymore...like you are...running. Like you are running from something you can't escape.

That's you. The thing you are trying to escape from is you, your mind, your thoughts.

I always wished there was an on-off switch in our minds so I can be at peace but no...there isn't.

My name is Angela and I am suffering from anxiety. I leave with the constant fear that something bad is going to happen. I mask it with my smile, my cocky/snappy attitude and no one asks because they don't know. I finally decided to let it out in the open.

Everyone has his problems, his demons in their mind but nothing is obvious...

Next time if a friend answers with a dismissing 'fine', ask again. Believe me, he is not fine. 

Although, there is a way to cope with it. 

I cope it with writing, reading and binge watching series/movies. I express my concerns, my fears through writing because that's what keeps me going and not getting mad. 

Find what is that gets you going.

The human mind can be the worst prison of all. I know that because I am a prisoner of my own mind. There is a way to control it and flee but I haven't figure it out yet but I will... I don't know what is that will get me free but I know this. I have hope and hope is the only thing stronger than Fear. 

I hope someone can relate to this and I am not the only one.
Thanks for reading this.

This gingerhead is out!

Angela. 

Dream VS Reality

  Reality is the state of things as they exist, as opposed to an idealistic idea of them. The quality of having existence or substance. On the other hand, a dream is the state where someone indulges in daydreams or fantasies about something greatly desired.

The question is to which of those two do we want more to live in? If you ask every person on this planet, the ninety percent are going to answer that they are not happy in their reality but they will choose that. Why though? Why choosing something they are not happy with and not live in their dreams?

Dreams are not real, that's the answer you are going to get. Some people chose to live in their dreams and gone mad. Reality is real, it's not fake, it's not a fantasy. A dream is but... here is where most people are wrong. Dreams are not necessary fake, they can become reality, that's what most people ignore. When we are asked in which do we want to live in, the answer must always be "I want to make my dreams a reality, so I choose to live in my dreams that will eventually become my reality..."

I never thought that those two are connected. I always believed that dreams are a series of images, thoughts and sensations that occure in a person's mind during sleep and not something that can be real... My reality was never something that had to do with dreams and most people's don't. It's very important for people to have hope that one day their dreams are going to become real because without them, we have nothing. We forget something very important, though; The lost tool to connect those two.

That is called action. The distance between a dream and reality is called action. 

People forget that we have the power to change our reality. It's in our hands but we ignore it. I'm not blaming or accusing anyone about about that because it's in human nature to victimise our selves. For some reason, we don't take action to change what we want because, I don't know, we think that we don't deserve it, that we have to be miserable and accept the fact that this is our life. No, that' not how life works. Life would not give her hand to us and give us everything we want. We write our lives, our destiny and make our reality. If our reality is not something we love to live in, then change it. 

We should never let the reality that we hate, for now, to interfere with our dreams due to the fact that reality can't see, what we can see. Never let anyone tell you that dreaming is a waste of time.

I consider myself a dreamer, I believe that I can change the world. I deem that dreamers are the ones that we call fighters. Fighters for a better reality. Never give up for what you are fighting for, be in the reality that you choose, not what others choose for you. Be in the state where you love to live in your reality, where reality and dreams mean the same thing...

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.  

What exactly we do mean with the word Love?

What exactly do we desire to get, to have in life? Power? Control? or Love?

Those three words have being running in my mind recently... Can someone live without love? or Do we need power over things and control to survive? 

We need control over our lives to survive life. We need power in order to make a difference. We need to love so the world can be a better place to live in. What I'm trying to say is that we need to control things in order to be as it has to be. For instance, we need to control oursleves, we need to control our wants, our dreams, our lives. Here how power comes in the picture. In order to achieve our dreams, our passions, to make things better we need to be powerful, strong for us and for the people who look up to us to make it right.

I've asked myself how love fits in the picture, what exactly is it. We understnd the defintion of power and control because those two words existed from the beginning of time, without even knowing. I mean since the beginning humans had the need to control and to be powerful. Love wasn't something they knew. Love was a feeling were no one could understand and what was its purpose and stil some don't. Did you know that they gave the feeling for the first time, we call now love, a name in the ancient times?

Ancient Greeks had diveded love in four kinds: Storge, Philia, Eros and Agape.

Those are the four kinds of love. Storge is the kind of love you have with a person you feel familiarity. Philia is the feeling you have for a person you call friend. Eros is, the most common kind of love we all know, with someone you romantically desire, attraction and last but not least Agape is the self-emptying, divine love.

There is no separation between the four of them of which we need most. We need all four to survive. I think that no one actually knows what love is. Poets, painters, writers, philosophers tried to give a definition but no one actually knew what is it...

What is love?

No one knows exactly and no one can actually create an exact definition for it. All people know in some terms what it is because they felt it but if you ask each and every one of them no one is going to give you the answer that you seek...

I'm twenty and I never actually felt what love is... I had the two of the four kinds in my life. Storge and Philia. They are important but to tell what exactly love feels and is you have to have all four them... Some people never get to have that and die without knowing. If you ask what's the most difficult kind to get, is the last one.

Is not Philia, is not Storge, it's not even Eros, it's Agape.

Agape is the divine love were you love yourself and everyone around you. Is the love that God has given us, is the love that Jesus was talking about, is the love for serenity and soul calmness. Galini as we call it in greek.

That kind of love. I don't think anyone actually had felt all four so that's why it's difficult to give a definition.

I read in most books that Love is the thing stronger than anything. Stronger than Fear, Power and, that's going to sound cliche, Evil.

I believe it is. Without it there will be Chaos. Not control, not power but love if we don't have love in our hearts there will be Chaos and Destruction. 

I don't know how anyone can be happy without it. I certaintly know that I can't live without it...

Anyway, I hope I didn't make you feel out of the blue...

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.

Who do you want to be?

When I was a teenager I never was one of the cool kids, as some may say... I always stayed home with a book in hand and that was basically my life until Senior year...

You could tell that I was basically a nerd, a geek whatever you want call it...But they never made fun of me or at least no that I know off...

People wanted to be around me beacuse of my father... You see I was the daughter of the beloved teacher in my home town. As I said my father was a P.E teacher at day and a folk dancing teacher at night, so most of the people in my age knew him and loved him.

 

He was and still is one of the most approachable teachers there is here, in this small town. They always looked at him as a mentor... My dad helped a lot of children to find their paths... Being involved in many things did the job. They respected him more than anyone.

Anyways, I always lived in that shadow of his. They always knew me as the daugher of Mr Kamp. They never remebered my name... well expect my classmates.

Everyone knew me as that, even from other schools that my dad teached... I was the daughter of the teacher. Nothing else. Nothing more.

So I just accepted it and I never associated much and stayed home. I escaped reality by writing and reading about the mystical and wonderfull worlds that my books were hiding. You know when I was a kid I always wanted to visit the land of Narnia. The series was one of the firsts books that made me love literature...and I thought that it was real. As a kid I lived in my own world and wanted to ecsape my reality so I always imagined being in the magical land of Narnia or being in a place were mythical beasts from Greek mythology existed, like Percy Jackson... But that stopped when I turned thirteen...

I went to High school and I figured that only my imagination can't help me...That's when I started writing...

So that kept me from pushing everyone away and be only by myself. I never actually had friends. They talked to me because I knew everything that had to deal with school, about teachers, field trips. Everything. Yeap, because of my dad.

Anyways, I never wanted to be recognised beacuse I was someone's daughter but that was the case with me. I was socialable with everyone but not actually involved. They put me in the class councel because I knew things and I knew how to work things out but other than that I pushed everyone away. Boys always tried to hit on me...I think it was kinda like a game when I went to 10th grade... "Who will be the winner of getting with the teacher's daughter?!". That never happened...

When my sister turned fifteen and I was seventeen I was always thought that she would end up like me...to be recognised as the teacher's daughter but that wasn's the case with her...

She told me that she wanted to be recognised for her and not because of our father... She took advantage of our name at the begining and actually became popular in her school. She had an attitude,she was a rebel and people  later knew her because of that and not because of the name.

Here is the catch then with me. After what happened with my sister I was recognised because of her and my father. Not because of me. Irony right? So that's when I woke up. 

I told myself that people are going to know me because of me and not because of my sister or my father... When I went into senior year everything changed. Like my sister, I took advantage of my sister's and my father's reputation and built my own on top of it.

I asked myseld 'Who I want to be and for what do I want to be recognised for?' , so that's why I started writing in Wattpad and got involved more with the student body. I helped a lot my classmates by helping them in passing their test and that's when I actually met my best friends...

We shouldn't push people who want to get to know us because most of the time we are going to regret it. Some people are meant to be in our lives whether we like it or not... I pulled my walls down and met my best friends that still stay by my side. The irony was we were classmates for many years...  

We shouldn't let other people define who we are and what to be because of our name or because we are expected to be something we are not... Don't make the same mistake I did because you are not going to be happy. Trust me. There is always time to fix things.

I am going to do what's right. One year to go. That's when my life actually starts.

 This gingerhead is out!

Angela

What matters most?

Hey again...

So, I'm turning twenty in two days...and I don't know what to make out of it. My friends think it would be good for me to have a party and brighten things up, but to be honest at the moment I'm not so fond of it with all the things that are going on...

Going through this quarantine and the streess of being carefull 'not to touch anything' or 'who you associate with' because you may catch the virus, has made me realise that you can't control anything...

I mean we can't control what will go on with our lives... if some things are meant to be, are meant to be...We need to realise that sometimes we can't have what we want...

Life can't be controlled even if it seems like it and certaintly we can't control Death... 

Yes, we make choices that change the paths of our lives but eventually we are going where we supposed to be going... But you know what's funny, that even the choices we make or not even ours... Many books have taught me that. The heroine makes a choice that will change her life for good or bad and it depends whether she chooses the right one or the wrong but every single time, the choice she makes it's because she has a talk or an impact from the person that maters to them most or from the person who affects them most...

So basically our choices or not ours...

A quote from the Hunger Games book, where Peeta said that our lives are not measured in years but by the people we touch around us, can't make it more accurate...

We don't have control over our lives, our choices not even our personalities... Our personalities are built by our surroundings and how people treat us... Basically, we don't have control about anything and I realised it way too late... 

We need to change this and sit and think what we really want. What matters to us most? What keeps us up and what makes us? Do we have control over it? I think not but sometimes if we strong enough to believe that we can do that, why not?

All this, may sound very absurd but at the end of the day it's we who decide what to do, right?

I'm a twenty-year-old that already has questions that I shouldn't been thinking about at.., how most call it? Yeah, right... the most 'perfect and care-free period of your life'...

I try to be open-minded about things and about life but you see... doing things and working for something that you are only ok with or you don't like, makes you think like that...

I hope one day to be proved wrong about all this but I strongly believe that no matter what, we can't control entirely our lives...

Angela.

How all started...

Hi!  I'm new here and in all this blogging thing...

I started this blog as a way to put my thoughts in a order. I don't expect to make anything from out of this but I guess I have to give it a try!

So I'm a nineteen-year-old college student and I already feel like all my dreams have been crushed...

I read a lot of books and I go with this quote in my life: "My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes"

I don't know if you guys are familiar with this but it's from a book called Anne of Green Gables and I really identify with the character..

Let me tell you a few things!

I study bussiness and tourism in an advance university here in Greece. People always congratulated me on getting in cause, you know, "Once in a life opportunity for you!" and "It's so hard on getting in." and "You will do great in that area cause you are going to be one of the most twenty-one-year-olds from your class,when you graduate, that is going to have a high position job" and all that stuff...

The irony is I never I wanted to go there but I applied for that university to make my family proud and escpecially my Father...

He is a P.E teacher and when he was young, always wanted to get involved in that field but my grandparents couldn't afford it and later on when he could afford it, my mom came along and later me... So, that dream never happened...

I always thought he saw me as an extention of him... I didn't say he doesn't love me but the reason I applied in that college was beacuse of him... He always told me to follow my dreams but when I told him that I wanted to study teaching or English Literature.... I would never forget that disappointed look on his face... 

I didn't want to disappoint anyone but I wanted to do something for me as well.. so, I told myself whatever grade I got in my exams that should define my future... 

Here is how life can be cruel...

I didn't have the grades for English lit but I did have for geting into teaching and for bussiness and tourism...

 So I had to choose...

I choose what I was expected to do... As an older kid I had to made my family proud and set an example for my sisters... 

Yes.. I have three sisters, all younger.. 

I always wanted to be a writer, to inspire with my writing and by geting into teaching, that would have helped me...

I started writing from a young age and I started writing on Wattpad at the age of seventeen when I was  ready to share my work...

But I had to put all that on the side for now and finish my degree and work in tourism so I can help my family and make them proud...

Here in Greece it's hard because its in our culture, family comes first and you have to put your life in order and have a job by the time you are twenty five...

I am person who has no regrets on her life and I belive that everything happens for a reason...

I can feel that I'm meant to be a writer so I decided that I will do that alongside with the path I choose... I decided that I'm going to be a writer no matter what. I'm going to work on the field I choose and I'm going to study as well English Literature when I finish my first degree...

All in, as they say!

So, that's how all this started... I hope I get to be what I dreamed of and I hope to touch some of you to do the same... Never give up!

This gingerhead is out!

Angela.